This can be a controversial topic so let’s keep things nice but there will be some opinions and I like to get different sides to this.
There is no right or wrong answer to career or family. Different things work for different people. The other day my friend and I were talking about this. I had started my career but within 10 months of starting my job I was on maternity leave. My friend on the other hand, who is a year younger than me, has no plans to start a family until she is 30 (she turns 23 next month).
For her career is everything. She will not give it up for anything. Which is great for her! She wants to be in the film writing/production industry and it is very hard to get into anyway let alone if you already have a family, as you have to be willing to travel and work long hours.
I always wanted children before I turned 30. For me mid 20’s seems like an ideal age to start, I have energy and I will still have many years left to enjoy when my children are older and more independent.
But can you have both? Does a woman really have to choose between the two? I believe you can have both, but you can’t prioritise both the same. I don’t feel like it can be a 50/50 split. Sure it can be close like 40/60 but at the end of the day of the day I feel something’s got to give. If anything trying to balance them completely equally may like to an idea of perfection that can’t be achieved and causes nothing but unnecessary stress.
There is nothing wrong with whichever you give more to either. Some people get more fulfilment out of a career and there is nothing wrong with that. It makes them a great parent, not only are they setting a great example of how important it is to work hard, but because if they weren’t getting the stimulation at home with children that they desire at work then they wouldn’t really be happy. You cant have a happy child without a happy parent!
Other people may feel better being more of an at home parent (either stay at home or working, but not as career driven shall we say?) and that is perfect for them! I know I definitely fit more into this category.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you want to start a family but can’t quite decide because you don’t want to give up work and don’t want to feel guilty, just stop for a second. Take a deep breath and relax. You can have both. Or just one. You should not feel guilty for your choice. And remember just because you are a mum (or correct this to fit if you are a dad) does not mean you have to give up your identity. You are still allowed to be you.
As long as you choose the right path for you and stop putting off what you want for other people then you have no reason go feel guilty. (Yes you can feel guilty for going against yourself and no it doesn’t make you selfish).
Hope this made sense!