I Miss It

When I was about 6 weeks postpartum I was like ‘oh yeah I could do this again one day in the future’. It took me six weeks to get to that point. Every woman is different. A few of the people who have had a baby recently I have asked whether they would again and one said she was put off, one said she would but she only wants one more instead of three more and one said she would love to have another in the near future.

I’m like the last one. I don’t know whether it is because I have my back to work date looming over me but lately, well I suppose for a while but the feeling is getting stronger everyday I see my little man grows, I can’t wait until the day I get to go through it all again. The whole shebang.

Now don’t get me wrong, we aren’t going to be popping out baby number 2 any time soon and we have no plans, it just comes up in the occasional future talk.

But I really miss my bump, I miss the early days, I miss my tiny little baby. Heck I even miss the time in the hospital. The first time when I actually came home with a baby not the time I went in with mastitis.

I think looking back on it now I don’t feel I really savoured it all. The reality of having a baby while we are not in the best position to and if I’m really honest I feel like I struggled a lot in the first few months. I won’t say I suffered post natal depression but looking back and really analysing how I felt and acted I’m sure I was teetering on the edge a bit. I didn’t really feel like I had got the hang of it because I struggled so much with breastfeeding for three horrible long months. When people tried to give their ‘advice’ it also made me feel as if I was doing it all wrong even though deep down I knew I was doing what I felt was best.

Sure enough determination went in my favour and suddenly breastfeeding clicked for us both. I was never sure how long I wanted to breastfeed for but a year is my goal. I don’t even have to use any formula for any top ups now as I have a decent supply in both fridge and freezer which is taking a lost of pressure off.

I’m sad I didn’t go to more mummy and baby things and I’m sad that my friends and I didn’t have longer to share mummy and baby dates with. One of my friends had her baby at the end of last month!

Next time I would like to will do more. I will actually workout more during pregnancy, I will enjoy every second of it, I will show off my bump and relish in it. I may even write stuff on here about it if I am still writing on here (which I really hope I stick with and get better with), though I doubt I will announce on facebook any earlier than I did with this pregnancy (I announced it after he had arrived so it was a big shock to a lot of people!). I will (hopefully) have the labour and delivery I want, I will use my knowledge of feeding that I have gained feeding this little man and hopefully have a smoother ride and I will do more to enjoy every second of it all. Maybe then the thought of going back to work won’t fill me with dread quite as much.

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