Worry. It starts the moment you see that positive pregnancy test and it never ends. Seriously even long after you’ve moved on to whatever after life you believe in I guarantee you, you will still be worrying. That’s the thing about being a parent. Worrying is in the job description.
You spend the whole first 24 weeks of pregnancy worrying about miscarriage. Sadly two of my close friends lost their babies. They were between 6-12 weeks respectively. It was horrible to watch them go through it but it showed how strong they were as people. One of them was able to conceive again and is half way through her pregnancy and all is going well. When she came and showed me her ultrasound I could of squealed with excitement for her!
The next half of your pregnancy you spend making sure that you have felt movements that day and if you can’t remember or think you haven’t felt enough you do everything to get that little darling to wake and do a little jig for you.
After that you worry about the birth. I work at the hospital I gave birth at, I had also heard about babies dying without good reason, doctors and midwives not acting when they should have or as fast as they should have. It did not help especially when everything started getting a bit too close to an emergancy at the end of the delivery process.
Then you have them there. Sleeping so peacefully in their crib or in your arms. So peacefully in fact, that you have to poke them to make sure they are still with you. You start drifting off and their breathing gets really quiet when a second ago it was quite loud. You hate waking up during the night but at the same time you count your blessings whenever you get woken up by that hungry scream as you know some people aren’t that lucky.
When you leave them for the night or even just a few hours in the day, you know you have left them in capable hands but you still can’t helo but worry.
It will never end. When they are 18 they will try and tell you that you don’t have to worry anymore bevause they are adults now. But it doesn’t matter how old they are. They could be grandparents for all you care, they are Your babies. The worry will never end. You just have to accept that.
As I write this I’m enjoying a cider and eating a bit of cake as it is the first time all day I’ve managed some alone time. Bur I’ve got my TV on low as I like to hear the rhythm my baby makes as he breathes all sleepily. It’s soothing and without it I would not be able to relax as much. Ah joys of being a parent. You crave some alone time and when you get it you still want them within earshot.