Everyday I remember a little more about what happened in that delivery room.
Here I want to focus on the moments before, during and after the actual birth.
It was quite scary looking back on it. It is hard to realise that if he hadn’t had been born when he had then it would have ended in an emergency C-section. You know they pride themselves of being able to get a baby out in 3 minutes. Yes that includes knocking you out and opening you up. In that scenario I would have been given a general anaesthetic as it is quicker than an epidural. My other half would not have been allowed in the room and would therefore have to sit in the relatives room and wait for news on how his son and I were doing. I know that this would have been horrible for him to do. What doesn’t help is that at three in the morning and in that much of a rush he would not have been able to get anyone to come and support him. Thankfully I was given those 10 extra minutes to get him out.
There was a resuscitaire waiting behind the curtain. I believe there was also a team waiting with it. It’s horrible to think that they expected my little baby to come out not breathing and need resuscitating. Thankfully he did start breathing when he came out, although it was not to their satisfaction, however they gave him time to do skin to skin to see if that helped and it did. Skin to skin is amazing and if possible then I highly recommend it as soon as you can and to continue this when you get home, for as long as you and your child are comfortable with it.
I also want to point out that my other half was the best birthing partner I could have ever asked for. He put up with a lot during that. I pinched, I bit, I grabbed his hair and he just let me. Granted I do not remember any of it and I was very apologetic afterwards. All he said was that he could see the pain I was in and what I was going through and he couldn’t not let me if it was helping me through it. Bless him! At least I didn’t scream that I hated him eh? I should point out that he also dropped my phone and the screen appeared to crack. Luckily I have a glass screen protector so it was that that cracked instead of my actual screen, but you get my point, it’s expensive to fix!
My birth wasn’t what I imagined or wanted. I had time to prepare for this. I knew that if I was being induced then I wouldn’t get the chance to have the water birth I had dreamed of. I was upset and disappointed by this and it is okay to admit that. I know that if I am lucky enough to have another child I will still hope for a water birth and maybe I will be able to. But that doesn’t stop the disappointment and the hurt feeling of that option being stolen from me this time round.
It wasn’t a bad birthing experience, it could have very nearly turned out a lot worse than it was. I felt it was important to look back on this and debrief myself on what had happened. My brain blocked a lot of it out. This is the brains natural response for traumatic events. It is to protect you. But I wanted to make sure that I could look back on it and not feel worried or scared if I were to ever have another child. I want to know that I would be able to handle it mentally. Physically your body goes back to near enough the same condition it was in. It can take a lot more work for your mind to get there and it is vital to remember that it is just as important to have recovered mentally as it is to recover physically.