Poo-plosions

How much poop can one baby make?!?!?!

Seriously!

It’s everywhere!

You get them changed into their cute little outfits to go show of to their nans. Then suddenly you hear a familiar rumble coming from the smelly zone. Yup. Baby pooped. Yup. It’s seeing out the clothes as we speak. Nope I didn’t pack that extra outfit. Shit.

Inside you run. Carefully remove their clothes, thankful for the extra room on the shoulders, this way you can just slip them down instead of trying to remove them over their head and risk getting poop in their eyes. Next it’s time to open the nappy. There is no avoiding it at this point, that toxic sludge has to be binned. Now.

How does it get there? Why is there poop on the back of his head? I was so careful taking his clothes off! It’s all up his back, over his front, down his legs and oh look he’s kicked his foot into it. WHYYYYYY?!

You open that nappy up and it’s that poo-plosion that makes you feel like you should just bin the baby with the nappy and start all over. But then you remember all you went through to bring them into the world and that you love them more than anything, even if they are just skin covered bags of love, sick and poop. So you strip him down and instead of even bothering with trying to give him a wipe you just dunk him in the bath and hope that you have enough baby soap to get rid of it all.

Why is poop that colour? It makes it look like your precious baby decided he wanted to be a Simpson character instead. The poop is layered on so thick you think it’s going to stain him forever.

After all that effort you get him all nicely dressed again in a new outfit. Your proud of all the work you went to and how adorable he looks in his blue dungarees and his fluffy hair. His skin basically sparkling with all the scrubbing you had to do to get that poop stain off his leg.

Then he begins to squirm around.

And there is that familiar rumble.

And it starts all over again.

Shit.

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